Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Break Time

Well as I've said in previous post, I'm taking a break from fertility treatment. I spoke with RE yesterday and she agreed to give me prescription for thyroid meds to keep that low and metformin, folic acid and aspirin. I met with my counsellor tonight and talked about the idea of taking a break. Part of that means I need to unplug myself from the blogworld that I have been a part of for nearly two years. Everyday I check my google reader and read the latest posts in the IF cyber world. In a way its like constantly talking to the other woman in waiting room of the fertility clinic...every day. In order to truly take a break, I need to just let all that go for a while.

So I'm saying goodbye for a while to all u lovely ladies in the blogosphere!! It will be like giving up an addiction!!!! But has to be done to give my head space and quieten my mind for a while.

Best of luck with all of your journeys, hopefully see you all in a few months :)

Sunday, October 30, 2011


I get my program in the gym today!! Bring on the hot bod!!! Hee hee

I had my assessment on Thursday and I was pleased to find out that I actually had not put on much extra weight over the past few months. I'm 9 stone 7 (think that's 133lbs) and I'm 5 foot 7 inches. BUT.....I'm flabby, seriously flabby. So the trainer reckons I should mostly do free weights and some cardio 3 times a week, no more than 40 minutes (phew, that's enough gym time for me). I will also try and do a class a week.

I'm meeting my counsellor on Wednesday evening. By this stage I will have spoken to my RE about trying naturally for a good few months. I'm hoping the counsellor can give me some tips on how to ACTUALLY switch off!

We put the clocks back an hour over here...nice to have an extra hour in bed!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Thanks for all the lovely comments and support. It's crappy but life goes on eh?
So heres my next plan :

1. I'm not gonna do another FET this side of Xmas. I want to enjoy Christmas with my family and friends.

2. I have just joined a 6 week program in my local gym. Aim: to lose 10 lbs and tone up: I wanna look fabulous for the Christmas party in work and generally feel good about my body again.

3. I have arranged a phone consultation with my RE for Tuesday. I'm gonna explain to her that we are taking a good break, maybe 4 to 6 months off. But since immune problems have been identified, I would like a prescription for the immune drugs (steroids), also aspirin, high strength folic acid, metformin, eltroxin (for thyroid) and possibly the clexane. Even though I have PCO, I do ovulate every month and DH has a good sperm count but slightly below motility & morphology. So in theory we should still have a chance to conceive naturally with this extra support.

4. My aim is to enjoy sex again like the good old days pre-TTC. Obviously around ovulation time, we'll go the extra mile so to speak.

5. I'm not gonna have a breakdown every time AF arrives, I'll be expecting it each month.

6. On a side note: since May 2010, I've either been on bcp, stims, down regulating, pregnant, miscarrying, on HRT, body is telling me ENOUGH for now....ENOUGH. IVF is a long hard road and I've reached the end for now. Time to recuperate and regain strength.

I'll keep on blogging, following all your stories but with less intensity. I think I need to just refocus on other things for a while. DH and I just shared our three year anniversary on Tuesday and you know what? Every month since we got married we have been focused on TTC.

Time for a break, me thinks!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Very heavy feeling in uterus, can be crampy at times - even though I'm still on all the anti- cramp meds. Roller coaster of emotions. Majorly comfort eating...sweets, chocs, cakes u name it!
Kinda looking forward to work tomorrow to just keep busy. Thinking of testing on Thursday but what if it's a bfn? Will I be able to face work on Friday? The kids are all dressing up for Halloween in school that day....maybe i could wear a mask and cry behind it all day!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Very low mood today. Convinced it hasn't worked. Still got very heavy pre-periody feeling in uterus. Not quite cramps but feel like it's going that way....urrrgh I HATE the TWW.

I thought I could be relaxed and breezy...what happens, happens. But I just can't be, I care too much.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Bed rest is boring!!

Well today is my last day of bed rest....whoop! Back to work tomorrow which is great and will keep my mind busy.
I watched three films:
1. Something Borrowed.......boring
2. No Strings Attached.......awful, truly awful
3. Hall Pass....m'eh!

Symptoms wise, just a heavy feeling in uterus which had been there before the transfer so I'm guessing it's just the feeling of the lining building up. That's it!

I've been looking up a local gym online to get ready to join if this doesn't work out. I'm not being negative, just having a plan B!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Transfer went very smoothly yesterday. Again my fave doctor did the procedure. Both blasts survived the thaw. I took two Valium to help did the job.
I'm gonna spend the next 2 days lazin around my apt watching tv and eating! Not much else I can do!
Thanks for all the positive comments!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Transfer tomorrow.

All going well, this time tomorrow I'll be PUPO. Starting to get a tad nervous.

Myself and DH were chatting earlier and we were saying that it is just so hard to get any way excited. We really feel burnt out by the constant treatments. Have a feeling if this doesnt work, we will just forget about the whole thing. Never EVER thought we'd feel this way. DH said he feels broken by it all...but when u come to the end , you come to the end.

Anyway all I can do right now is hope for the best.
My plan B if it doesn't work is to instantly join a gym and get working out. I want to get my body in the best shape for Xmas.

Feeling a little crampy this evening, think stress is a factor. Hopefully the Valium for the transfer will keep me relaxed tomorrow.

Will update tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Lining was at 11mm yesterday, so all good for transfer next week. I got my intralipids yest too. I've to start on the cyclogest tomorrow- hate that stuff!

Uterus is managing to stay relatively relaxed, think the meds are doing their job.

Stress-free week?? Not happening so far, so busy in work. Will try harder tomorrow!!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

1 week to go...

Until transfer. I'm back on all the meds for keeping the uterus relaxed. Yesterday I had started to feel a little crampy - meds seem to be working so far. Really not getting excited at all. Even if it does work, there is no guarantee of a baby - so it is just so hard to feel anything one way or the other.

Planning to stay as stress free as possible - gonna book in for a couple of massages, go to cinema, watch chill-out TV, listen to meditation over the next few weeks.

Hope everyone in blogworld is keeping well!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Pottering Along

Just a quick one.

Less than 2 weeks away to transfer. All going well so far, nothing to report. Staying neutral. Imaging the 2 possible outcomes.

Will update soon.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

What A Week!!

On Monday I received a call from my GP (not my usual one, but a locum), who said she had received the results of the pathology test from my miscarriage. She said she was very concerned and that I should not be getting pregnant for 6 months. She said I have Gestational Throphoblastic Disease. I was kind of shocked. She told me to look it up on a medical website and that she would call me back as she wanted to get in touch with the doctor who did my D&C for further clarification. I looked it up, and it basically said it was a molar pregnancy. This did not make any sense to me as I had had normal ultrasounds with heartbeat and fetus.I was shocked to say the least.

I rang my consultant in the fertility clinic immediately who asked me to get the report faxed over to her. I also booked in for a HCG the following morning. (with a Molar pregnancy, HCG must be monitored and remain at zero for 6 months). The GP rang me back to say that she spoke with the doc who did the D&C and she said the results only suggested that it could be molar.

In the meantime, my consultant looked at the report and said no, it was normal, nothing to indicate molar. On Tuesday my HCG measured zero like I expected.

Anyway to cut a long story short, the GP was still not happy and wanted to refer me to the National Maternity Hospital for monitoring, and wanted it to be still treated as if it were molar. She said she would try to get in touch with the person who actually wrote the report and she'd call me back. So there I was on Friday lying on my couch, off work, sick with the flu, when my phone rings. It's my GP who says she spoke to the person who did the report and.......drumroll.....its's completely normal! No need to worry, not molar at all.

When I say a weight was lifted off my shoulders, that was an understatement!!! Such a relief and such unnecessary worry!

Saturday, September 17, 2011


Well I have all my dates arranged for upcoming FET. The transfer will take place on the 17th of October. A month away - here we go again!!

The nurse in the clinic asked me to get my TSH levels checked. Mine was 3.97. Apparently this is in the normal range of thyroid function but for pregnancy, the clinic would like it to be closer to 2. So I am on Eltroxin to lower the levels. Could this be the reason for my miscarriage or the reason why we haven't conceived naturally? Who knows.

How am I feeling? Usual feelings of nervousness/hope/fear. Very detached really. I don't want to talk about it in real life because I've done this before, I've talked about the upcoming dates, treatment, every detail and always it has ended in heartbreak. However  I know this one could work out if it works but still I've lost my innocence in this area.

When I went to the clinic last Monday morning for my TSH blood test, for some reason the nurses never called me. Time was ticking by, I was late for work, other clients were coming and going and yet no one was calling me for my blood test. I don't know what happened to me, but I started to get really upset---like fighting back the tears, a lump in my throat. I couldn't summon up the courage to ask the nurses when they were going to call me. I wanted to storm out, but I couldn't. Eventually after a self pep-talk, I decided to walk out. However, as I walked by the nurses' station, I saw two nurses sitting down. I said "sorry but I've been waiting for someone to call me for a blood test for an hour". One of them jumped up, all apologetic and took me in to another room to do the blood test. By this stage I could not even talk, just trying to not cry. Nightmare. Seriously what was up with that??? I think all the emotion of the past few months and tied into the clinic, sitting in the waiting room was just too much. Anyway...I felt better later on.

Will update again soon. :)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

First week down!

Well my first week back to work wasn't too bad at all. My colleagues were so supportive and had lovely, encouraging stories to share with me regarding their own experiences with miscarriage. It felt good to be back at work, and to be busy and focus on something other that TTC.

I have a feeling my AF is gonna start soon - quite crampy at the mo. When it does arrive, I can start on BCP and then sort out dates with the clinic for upcoming FET. A part of me feels guilty to start BCP - it just feels so wrong - weird I know.

Really trying to remain positive. There is every chance it will work. But I suppose I really have to think about how I'll feel or what I will do if it doesn't work. Scary.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Back to work!

Not much going on at the moment. I am back to work tomorrow after 2 months off!! (Perks of being a teacher).
For the past week or so I have been getting AF pains - sometimes very strong. Still no sign of AF. The sooner it comes, the sooner I can start on BCP in preparation for upcoming FET.

I have also been eating very well this past week - really want to drop 7 pounds. I "attempted" some exercise last week. I did some running in the local park. I literally could not do any other exercise for the rest of the week as I had strained my thighs!! Anyway I hope to get back walking next week. Much prefer that to running.

I must not lose sight of what I have learned this past month. Mainly that myself and DH need to invest in each other. I am thinking of organising a weekend away soon - possibly to Edinburgh in Scotland. Also I want to do the things that make me happy - meeting up with friends, watching funny movies, getting out and about, having a facial/massage etc.

That's all from me at to mo!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Decision Made!

Myself and DH went out for an impromptu dinner last night.  It was lovely, we had a great old chat. I told him that I have been feeling like I am leaning towards doing a FET as soon as possible. He agreed and we said "right decision made". Really happy with it. We had a few drinks -feeling worse for wear today but it was worth it!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Couch to 5K?

Anybody hear of this before? Basically it's a guide to help you run 5k without stopping. It requires a commitment of 30 mins three times a week. It starts off with a combination of running and walking and over the course of about 8 weeks, it builds you up to run 5k non-stop. I'm gonna start this tomorrow. Hubby has the car today and I want to drive up to the local park to start rather than just running out on the street.

TTC - I'm leaning towards starting FET as soon as possible...yet no decisions made yet.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

RE Follow-up

Well, I met with my RE on Monday. She was so lovely and caring, very compassionate. Anyway she answered my questions as best she could. But she had no real answers as to what happened. She said 60% of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities. She said there may or may not have been a connection between the blighted ovum and the missed miscarriage. She said that the next time around, I would get more scans and monitoring - she said there is research to say that TLC can help with a positive outcome.
I asked how soon can I do a FET? She said I can start on pill with next period and do the FET the following month.

So I am pleased that I can go ahead with treatment if we want to. We still have not made ANY decisions regarding this. I'm really unsure of what to do. Taking a break is an option but I don't know how I would feel not having a plan. So much of the infertility business is out of our control that if I can control something about it, I want to. If we take a break and in October I want to start treatment again - it gets us dangerously close to Christmas. Think I would like to start sooner. Anyway, no decisions made :)

I booked in for a hot stone full body massage for tomorrow! Wuhoo. Then am meeting friends for lunch! Lovely!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Moving on.

Tomorrow, myself and DH will head away for a few days break. We are meeting some great friends in a four star hotel - so can't wait.

How am I feeling? - Don't feel like crying at all which is great. Feeling a lot stronger. I'm in a kinda "live for the moment" type of mind which is great. I have 3 weeks until I go back to work and I want to pack as much in as I can.

I have a lot more energy back. When I was pregnant, I had ZERO energy - tiredness like I had never known!

Anyway I'll post again when I get back from my few days away - hopefully I'll have more thoughts of plans for the future when I get back.

Monday, August 8, 2011

To break or not to break...

That is the question.

So I am feeling MUCH better. I still have that deflated, life's a bit shit type of feeling but on the whole I'm feeling better. I think the key to starting to heal after a miscarriage is to talk, talk and talk more about it. I have talked indeptly to all my close friends, a counsellor, online forums, my husband, my mother and even to people who don't know me too well. It has really helped. I have also cried, cried and....cried some more. So by last Friday, I just didn't feel like crying anymore. I also kept a balance of being with people who care for me AND being on my own. If I had of kept too busy, I wouldn't have faced my demons and worked through my emotions. If I had of isolated myself and stayed on my own, I wouldn't have been able to make sense of what happened - talking helps the mind stay sane (I think).

This week, myself and DH are going away for a few nights with friends to a lovely country hotel by the sea, so looking forward to that.

Now this thing about the "break". DH and I have been talking a lot about the future, the immediate future ( the next few months). We said we will make no decisions this month. One of our options is to take a complete break from fertility treatment until January. So that we can enjoy the next few months and the run up to Christmas. (remember last Xmas was ruined due to blighted ovum). But the thing is, i do ovulate every month, and DH's sperm is not that bad (good count but lower than average motility and morph) but we NEVER managed to do it on our own. My question is: would we be really taking a break if at the back of our minds we are still hoping it might happen naturally?? The only way to truely take a break would be to use contraception....and that is NOT gonna happen!!!!

So I have no answers or decisions made at the moment. I'm going to see the counsellor again this week so might work through a few issues with her first.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Better Day

Yesterday was a tough day - I spent the morning crying, and I met with the counsellor at 2pm. She was very good - I cried a lot and we talked about the pressure I have been putting myself under to have a baby since we got married (3 yrs in Oct). Subconsciously, I hold a belief that I am a failure because I haven't had a baby. I didn't think I actually thought that about myself, but through talking to her, this came out. So the session was very heavy. It felt like I was in there for 10 minutes but I was an hour. I walked out in an absolute daze and had a MAJOR headache. I drove over to my 3 friends from work as I had planned to meet them after the session. I totally broke down (as usual) when I saw them, but then I was fine. We talked a bit about the miscarriage and then we talked about other unrelated things, even had a laugh.  When I got home, I spoke to another good friend on the phone and then my mother. DH played football, and when he got in, I talked some more with him! By the end of the day, I was wrecked.

Well today was a better day. I haven't cried today. I spent the morning in bed watching reality TV. Then DH came home from work at lunchtime. We had a lovely afternoon/evening together. I made sure to really look after him today - making lunch, cups of tea, lots of TLC. He had been so amazing to me since the horrible news last week, that he needed to be looked after today. He finally let himself go and he was exhausted, the week finally caught up with him. He was in bed by 9pm!! I think the counselling and all the emotions yesterday really helped. I obviously don't feel great but do feel a bit better.

Tomorrow night, we have a party to attend. Nothing too hectic, should be a laugh so I am looking forward to that. I plan to spend some quality time with DH tomorrow - want to just enjoy us being together.

Anyway thanks to everyone who has left a comment. It is amazing what a few words from ladies who know the pain of infertility can help. Thank you :)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Every time I meet with a friend or talk to a friend on the phone, I just break down. After a few minutes, I start to feel a little better.

Yesterday I spent the whole day on my own and basically cried all day. When DH came home, I started to feel better.

Today I met my best friend. Initially I again broke down, but then we talked. We talked about the next coming few months. She thinks we should take time out, plan nice things to do, enjoy being married. On one hand I'd love to do that but on the other, I think I'd like to keep moving. We have 4 frozen embryos left and could push forward with another FET.

Anyway we are not going to make any decisions just yet, but it's nice to explore options.

Tomorrow I am going to meet with a counsellor. She works in the fertility clinic so is an expert in that area. I would like to work on why I put myself under so much pressure. Like I feel a sense of panic to have a baby. I am 30, so I have time I suppose, but I really thought I'd be having my second child by now. I'm also dreading more pregnancy announcements...dreading them.

I'm also meeting three work pals tomorrow so hopefully will be a good distraction.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

My days so far

Its been 4 days since D&C. Just thought I'd share how the days have gone so far:

Thurs: found out baby had died at 12 wk scan. Mainly shock, crying.

Fri: D&C. Spent day is hospital. Not really crying.

Sat: morning a few tears. My mum called over, more tears but could talk and be logical, talked about future a bit. That evening, uncontrollable crying/sobbing.

Sun: bad morning, crying. Old friend called over, some tears, talked about it, she made me laugh. Didn't really cry rest of evening. DH was very quiet, brooding. This killed me. Sobbed before I went to sleep.

Mon: DH gone to work. Some tears in morning. Met friend again, talked. Called into my parents, some tears. Back home to DH. We talked a lot. Wrote down questions for our RE about what happened. Talked about either going again (we have 4 frozen embryos left to transfer) or taking a complete break until after Xmas. Made no decisions, just talked. We downloaded first 4 episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, new series- laughed watching them. Had little cry before bed.

Tues: here I am, alone. I booked appointment with re to discuss what happened. Also waiting on a counsellor to call to make an appointment. I feel like crying but can't. Don't know what to do today

Monday, August 1, 2011


Every time I wake up, reality hits me like a smack in the face. So painful.

Why did this happen to me? Did I not have my fair share of heart ache think so.

Who's to say it won't happen again?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Hard day

I started off strong, a few crying sessions, but got up, showered, dressed, put make up on, did my hair. My mam called in to see me. There were tears, she is truly devastated. But I held up strong, we talked things through, I felt better.
Kept the strength, me and DH popped out for McDonalds (yum). After that, I just went downhill, crying so hard I could barely breathe.

I'm going to see a counsellor this week...I need help with this grief. I need to come to terms with everything I have gone through with infertility. I also had a very sick DH over the past 12 months, I never dealt with that. He's doing great now BTW!

Will post tomorrow!

Friday, July 29, 2011

D & C

Booked in for d and c today at 11.30. Just want it to be over with now so I can move on.
The hurt is really kicking in now. Think I was just in shock yesterday.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Over :(

Went in for 12 week scan this morning. No heartbeat, baby measuring at 8.5 weeks. Going to early preg unit for further scan and to discuss options.

Numb at the moment.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

10 weeks 4 days

Just counting down the days until our 12 week scan, I'm nervous but excited about it. I just wanna hear that everything is ok!
I'm feeling good, still EXHAUSTED (need a mid afternoon sleep daily). Today I'm extremely bloated, which is very uncomfortable. Also looking forward to coming off meds when 12 weeks, I have such a routine now or taking them, that it will be weird going cold turkey!

Anyway that's all from me or the mo!!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

8 weeks 4 days

Still going strong. I cannot get over the tiredness - I could literally sleep all day!
Can't wait for 12 week scan - it is booked for the 29th of July.

Symptoms: Tiredness, slight sickly feeling now and again, cramps have eased a bit, still bloated in evenings.

Going away now for 2 weeks - looking forward to a change of scene!

Friday, June 24, 2011


We got to see 1 healthy strong heartbeat today (and hear it!) Such a huge relief, never thought I'd make it this far! I was so nervous all day but thankfully it all went well.

I think I'll finally sleep well tonight. And maybe I can start to enjoy the pregnancy now.

My symptoms: sickly feeling most of the day, sheer exhaustion the past few days, constant heavy feeling in uterus, crampy AF feeling most of the time, bloated.

All good though!!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Still here!

Just a quick post to say everything is going well so far. I am a nervous wreck imagining the worst all the time. I'm just lying low for a least until first ultrasound on the 24th. I'm afraid to talk/blog about it until I feel a bit more secure.

Will be back on the 24th please God :)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

2nd Beta

Just got results of 2nd Beta: 1621
The doctor said this was excellent. So phewwwwww!!!! The betas were actually less than 48 hours apart so I expect it may have been a little higher later that day.

I barely slept a wink last night as I started getting really bad cramps and expected the worst. The doc prescribed me Buscopan again to help ease the cramps but said only take them if I have to. Why am I having cramps??? Seriously.

From one worry to the next....sigh....

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


Just got my beta results: 858!

Pretty pleased.

The clinic said there's no need to get a second one as the number is high. From reading other blogs, especially in the US, everybody gets a second if not third beta. I know it's not gonna change the outcome and it's just something else to worry about. I dunno....

I'm booked in for a 3rd round of intralipids on Tuesday and then the 7 week scan is on June 24th!!

I'm exhausted now, gonna have an afternoon snooze!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

The test!

Just thought I'd share how we tested on Friday!
We had planned to test on Saturday, but as Friday evening approached we started talking about testing. I told DH that if we tested tonight we would definitely know. We weighed up the pros and cons. What would we do if it was negative?? How would we cope? We didn't really have an answer. All I knew is that at this stage I was drained from the whole process and I just couldn't think beyond the test.

Anyway we decided to test. I had held my pee from about 6pm and it was now 9.25pm. I had bought a first response test. I told DH that I would POAS and then keep the test turned over and come back in to sit with DH on the couch. We would wait the 3 mins and turn over the test together. So off I go, POAS and return the DH on the couch. We held each other, my heart was jumping out of my chest, I could hear it. We counted down the 3 mins by looking at the time on the TV. We said right let's do this. Lo and behold, two strong lines!! I literally jumped up off the couch and jumped up and down, saying 'that's it, it's positive!' DH was beaming, we hugged, kissed, cried....hugged some more!

Deep down I had an inkling that it had worked, but on Friday morning, I woke up feeling very crampy and that had lasted the whole day which had planted doubt in my mind.

Anyway, I am still enjoying the lovely novelty of it. I am feeling very positive about it and allowing myself to think ahead if I want to. I'm determined not to carry the worries of my previous history with me. Positive vibes all the way!!!

Friday, June 3, 2011


Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thursday, June 2, 2011


Well I still haven't POAS yet! Yes you heard me? I've held out....where oh where have I found the strength???

I have work tomorrow and there is just NO WAY I could go in if it was a BFN.

Symptoms-wise - right now, I feel good. Today I was a bit crampy (like pre-crampy feeling). At  the mo, I feel nothing - some twinges in lower abdomen. That's it really. I'll be testing on Saturday most nervous.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Wishing time away...

Urrrrgh, this wait is just so hard. I just wanna know!!
Again the meds are doing their job and I had a relatively cramp-free day. I kinda have a full feeling in uterus but nothing painful.

I'm booked in for intralipids tomorrow so at least I will feel like I am doing something proactive!

I know I could test on thurs as it'll be nine days past transfer but I just cannot risk getting a negative and having to face work. So we'll probably test on Sat. (even though official test day is Sunday as set by the clinic!)

Oh please may this work......please!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Staying Calm

Thanks to the medication, my uterus has remained completely calm and "Un-irritated" today (if that's a word!). Again I just chilled out, managed to sleep for an hour in the afternoon. Had dinner in my parents' house and watched the Man U Vs Barca match on the couch wrapped in a fleece blanket - so cosy.
Just in bed now and hoping to have another good night's sleep under my belt. I'm not trying to give this 2ww any thought or bother worrying, what will be, will be....

Positive vibes....

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Another Lazy Day

Well I had another great sleep today - slept heavily until 11.30. Just up now and doing a few bits (nothing strenuous). My uterus is surprisingly relaxed - not a peep out of it! Meds must be working.

My mam is picking me up shortly to make dinner for me in her house. Yay - just gonna chill on her couch.

Back to work tomorrow - really hope people don't start asking where I was. My colleagues are so lovely that they be worried if I was sick but I just hate lying to people. I'll just have to deflect!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Wow I think I just did a sleep marathon. I was asleep by about 11pm last night. Woke up when DH was getting up for work (8ish), had some breakfast and slept until 4pm!!! And actually I could have slept on longer but forced myself to wake up properly.

My uterus has been staying lovely and relaxed, thankfully.
DH on way home from work now so looking forward to dinner now!!

Long may this last....

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


The transfer went VERY smoothly. My favourite doc did the transfer - he's so gentle. I had to empty my bladder a little as I was in excruciating pain as the transfer was about a half hour late. Apart from that it went well. The clinic have moved premises since the last transfer and have changed some protocol. Like this time they just wheeled my bed out of the theatre after the transfer. Previously, I'd have to walk out of the theatre myself. So I really felt like I'd given my embies a better chance this time.

Anyway just chilling in bed - watching Grey's Anatomy. How much maternity leave do you get in America anyone? Looks like Callie had gone back to work when the baby is only a few wks old - seems v young!

I wonder how this TWW will go - I usually start off well and then turn into a crazed mad woman. Ah it'll prob be the same again!!! But remember this time IT WILL WORK :)

Transfer Day

Transfer day....again. Really hope this is the last one!!! Transfer booked for 3pm.

Uterus has been ok - slight little crampiness comes and goes. Gonna take a Valium for transfer so that should help and then I will continue on with the Buscopan and Salbutamol. I plan to listen to a meditation  as soon as I get back from the clinic and hopefully snooze for a few hours.

Wish me luck fellow bloggers :)

Monday, May 23, 2011

Obama visits Ireland!!!!!!!!!

Such an inspiring speech!
He was AMAZING!!!!!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Relaxed....for the moment!

Last night, my 'irritable uterus' was feeling irritated!! Urrrgh! Anyway I upped my Buscopan today and I've been feeling good. The Valium at night helps (I could get used to relaxing).
Oh please dear uterus, stay chilled out....please.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Irritable uterus!!

Well I'll be having my transfer in 5 days. Feeling ok about it. On Sunday I started having cramps (9 days on meds) and totally freaked out. Like WTF is wrong with me?? I rang the clinic on Monday to let the doc know. So on Tuesday I was in for my scan (everything looks great). I met RE who said she'd put me on 'Buscopan' to relax uterus, 3 tabs a day. Ive to take Valium at night (loving it!), and then just before transfer I've to start 'Salbutomol' again to relax uterus. I asked her had she ever heard of this before as honestly I was starting to feel really abnormal :( She said yes she's seen this a lot - it's an 'irritable uterus'. So I felt better...a little.

Anyway, so far, so good, the meds seem to be keeping my womb chilled out.
5 days to go and counting.....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Award!!! EEEP!

Wow I received my first ever blogger award, "The Versatile Blogger" from tintedsky
Thank you!!

With blog awards come rules, so here they are:
A) Grab the award:
B) Link back to the person who gave it to you:
C) Share 10 things about yourself
D) Award 15 recently discovered blogs

10 things about myself:

1. I am Irish
2. I love spicy food
3. I have been lucky in love - my DH is my first love who I met when I was 22!
4. I want a baby so badly it hurts.
5. I am a teacher
6. I have 3 best friends!
7. I love reading Auto-biographies
8. My weight fluctuates by a stone depending on how well i eat!
9. I have a very sweet tooth...which must be controlled!
10. I love wearing make-up!

I'll come back with my list of bloggers!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Here we go again!

Well I haven't posted in ages! Nothing much to say really. I went in for my down-reg scan yesterday and all looks good. So today I start all my meds!! I feel like I sound like a broken record! Like, how many times have I written this post...I'm tired of it all.

Apart from being bored of this repetitive TTC life, I'm feeling positive about the cycle. It is going to work, I just know it. PMA

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Nasal Spray

Hey - I haven't posted in AGES - mainly coz there was nothing to say. I am still on BCP and am now on the nasal spray so here we go again! I have been keeping myself busy and trying not to think about it. I generally have been feeling quite WILL work!
Here's my FET schedule:
May 2nd - Last pill (Me and DH together 8 years that weekend!)
May 7th - Scan 1 (Start meds on May 8th if all goes WILL)
May 13th - Scan 2
May 17th- Scan 3 & Intralipids
May 24th -Transfer
May 31st - Intralipids

In between all that, I have my friend's 30th birthday meal (really looking forward to that!), work will be busy, I have in-service training for 5 days so that will keep my mind off things!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Finally, finally I got the dates for my next FET. Wuhoooo! Transfer is set for the 24th of May. I'm gonna try and forget about it for the moment...if I can!! I've been getting serious about my health. Went to the gym on sat, a 5km walk on Mon and this morning. Not eating any bad food! So far so good.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


I'm going to visit my friend who had baby number 2 last month...wish me luck!

Also I STILL do NOT have my dates for FET #3 yet....I'm 14 days on the pill already...come on clinic!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

What NOT to say!

What is the one thing you DO NOT say to somebody going through IVF????

It's this: " I am EXTREMELY fertile and I have great eggs....i would love to donate my eggs"

Hilarious! I actually found it funny. This was from an acquaintance - well DH's friend's partner. She is actually nice and I know she meant no malice or did not mean to boast but seriously hello??? DH had told them about us going through IVF so yesterday they called over and I was filling her in on what had been happening (or not happening as they case may be!). And she came out with this. I felt like saying..."em no you're just hitting 40 and would probably not be eligible for donating eggs....and how the F do you know about the QUALITY of your eggs?" I didn't, I just smiled and nodded!
Some people eh?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Private Blog

I am just going "private" temporarily. I am such a dope. I was emailing a link of another blog to my friend and I somehow accidently emailed her my link. I really don't want any IRL friends reading my blog, so I am just going to go private for a little. Urrrrgh so annoying, I am trying to invite readers onto my blog but not everybody has their email on display. Hope people don't think I am being weird!

Monday, April 11, 2011


I visited my best mate who had her baby 2 weeks ago today. He is a major cutie. She told me about her friend who is pregnant age 37...i'm happy for her because she's older and it's her first. ( she only got married last summer ). Anyway I was feeling ok. I rang my clinic this morning and left a message asking someone to call me to work out dates for the transfer. Did I get a call back? No.

On my way home I called DH, no answer. I called him again, no answer. I wanted to know what he wanted for dinner. The pressure started to build....urrrgh....
1. visiting a friend who had baby
2. Holding baby
3. Hearing of yet ANOTHER pregnancy
4. DH not answering phone.
5. No call from clinic

All of this equals MELTDOWN!!!!!!!

By the time I got home, my bottom lip was starting to wobble.
DH was home, I started making dinner immediately. Tears started to flow, pain bubbling up inside ---- jealousy, anger, resentment, hurt, anguish.....pain, sheer pain.

DH hugged me,he understood. He took over dinner. I felt better once I let it all out.

Best friend texted me saying how well I looked earlier and how strong I was......STRONG?????? Little does she know....

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Slightly peeved!

The nurse in the clinic was meant to call me this week to arrange dates for transfer. No call at all by Friday. Now I know this nurse only works Wed/Thurs/Fri so I won't get a call till at least Wednesday. Urrrrgh. I wanted to put dates into my diary and make plans. I will call the clinic on Monday to see if another nurse can sort out dates. Not sure whether to say anything to my boss or just call in sick for the 2 days (transfer day and day after).

My "plan" didn't go too well this week. I had such bad period pains during AF, that I was eating painkillers which ended up keeping me awake at night...due to pain and codeine!! So I had no energy to do anything! Anyway next week will be better.

I heard some fab news about neighbours of ours. They are in their early 40's and are married about five years. They are pregnant!!! I am over the moon for them. I actually think it's the first pregnancy announcement that I have been GENUINELY happy about. That doesn't say much about me I know.

DH is away on a stag...such a fab weekend to be away...sun is splitting the trees! I've been staying with my mam and dad just for a catch up. I think we all had a bottle of wine each last night....feeling a bit hazy today! Nice to be looked after for a change.

That's all from me for the mo!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Well I'm feeling a lot better today. My RE rang me today and we talked about what possibly went wrong. She said she was actually shocked to hear that the cycle didn't work out.

I asked her about transferring on day 17 as opposed to day 21. She said we'd go with day 17 next time. She said she'd give me something to prevent cramping before the transfer. She also said that ifi do have cramping before the transfer, that we would cancel. So why didn't they cancel this time then???? Anyway I don't know what was going on with my body because on day 15 I started getting my usual dull achiness before cramps.

She said I can start BCPs this week with my period. (yay!!) The nurse will call me this week to work out a schedule. So the transfer will be in May.

So I feel happy now to be moving forward. The thought of having a month in limbo wasn't pleasing me! Although if they felt I should wait a month, I would have.

Onwards and upwards!

Monday, April 4, 2011


I felt sad today...sad about the bfn, sad about having to do IVF, sad about previous miscarriage, sad about DH being so down....just sad.
But, I kept it together today...I was busy, barely sat down for five minutes. But every spare second I had, I just felt lost. Everyone else in work was just getting on with their normal lives, little did they know how I felt. Well one person did, my good friend who is really like a second mother to me.
When I got home from work, DH was home. Yes he was sad too. The good thing though was that he talked about it. He really believed that this FET would just work. Anyway talking helped. I made dinner and we had a lovely dessert...sticky toffee pudding.....yum! That cheered DH up a little.

I also rang the clinic this morning to arrange a phone consultant with my RE. She is gonna ring me tomorrow after 3 pm. I have a list of questions for her:

1. What quality were the embryos?
2. The first FET transfer was on cd 17, the 2nd was cd 21... Why? I think cd 17 is better?
3. Should we go for assisted hatching?
4. Why cramping  before transfer?
5. What can be done differently to make sure it works?
6. Can I start bcp straight away and start FET next AF?
7. I got intralipids  9 days before transfer...did this have an effect on implantation? Should they have been given 7 days before transfer.

I really hope she can answer these questions.

I'm just waiting on AF to arrive...pains are starting to increase. I didn't sleep well last night so planning to go to bed early tonight and sleep solidly

Gonna enjoy a glass of red wine too!!!! Tomorrow should be a better day!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Thank you

Thank you to everyone who left a comment....really great to know I am not alone on this journey. I'm gonna spend the next couple of weeks trying to improve my fitness and tone up. I think I will rejoin my gym and aim to get there 3 times a week. I think I invested too much energy into this FET cycle - I did a lot of WAITING and WISHING TIME AWAY waiting for the transfer. The next one, I want to be focused something else (me, fitness, friends...a life basically!!!!) So I plan to do the following things:

1. Gym 3 times a week
2. Eat healthy food...not extreme just balanced
3. Spend more time with friends
4. Get out into fresh air as much as possible.
5. Have fun with DH
6. Do not put life on hold!!!
7. No more wishing time away.

Also I am determined that the next cycle WILL WORK! It just is!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

News sinking in

I really thought I'd get a bfp this morning. First time I ever thought that. Myself a DH went on a two hike this afternoon just to clear our heads. We decided that I'll arrange a phone consult with our doctor this week. I really feel that the transfer was a little too late in the cycle so I want to investigate this further. I would also like to start straight into another FET cycle- as in start bcp's when AF arrives this week. However I think the clinic generally make patients wait a month. We'll see.
I've been crying on and off ALL day. DH is sooooo down in the dumps that it is literally breaking my heart seeing him like this. I'm trying to be positive and practical. IVF takes patience and perseverance. We have 6 blasts left to use. One of them has to work, we just need to keep pushing forward. To be honest if we get one baby out of this, I'll be content and that will be it. I always dreamt of having at least three kids, but this journey is too difficult. I don't want to spend the next ten years chasing another BFP.
I hope DH comes round a bit tomorrow....he's 100% entitled to feel how he feels and I wouldn't undermine that but I need him to be stronger and more positive.
Money is also a big issue....IVF has drained us financially (as well as emotionally).
I hope tomorrow brings renewed hope as I don't want to dwell on this bfn any further.

Anyway we picked up a McDonalds earlier to cheer us up...didn't work!!!

I came across a blog today were a girl had done an IVF cycle and about 3 FETs and finally the last one worked and she had beautiful twins as a result. It actually gave me an uplift.

Tomorrow is mother's day here in Ireland. Urrrrrgh!! I do have an amazing mother though who has been an amazing support through all our IF struggles. I know her heart is breaking for me today....that hurts me more than the bfn. Knowing that the people I care most about are hurting, kills me.

Anyway to anyone reading my blog, please leave a positive comment about IVF! We can inspire each other!!


Nothing else to say really.

Thursday, March 31, 2011


I got a really good night's sleep last night - totally needed as I was pure exhausted. Work was hectic and I went to clinic for intralipids after work. Cramps were pretty intense all day. Really really feel it hasn't worked. I have been wrong before but....
All my stats throughtout the cycle have been spot on - so my head is telling me it should work. The cramps/period feelings tell me otherwise.:(

We'll see....

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Having a horrible day today :( I literally did not sleep a wink last night - I just lay awake tossing and turning all night. I got up at 1am and did a sneaky cheapie hpt - BFN. Prob too early anyway. I've been having really bad periods pains all night and today. I'm just convinced it has not worked. I know I felt like this last time and it did work but feel so defeated. Definitely not gonna do anymore sneaky tests. I'm just gonna buy a First Response and do that on Saturday. I will definitely know by then. I came home early from work to try and sleep - I got 2 hours. I have 2 very busy days in work tomorrow and Friday so hopefully I'll just plod along until Saturday.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Woke up with quite bad cramps this morning. Felt very down. Still crampy, no sign of spotting which is good. Lower back very sore. This really could go either way. 2ww really is horrible. Looking forward to getting intralipids on Thursday as I'll feel like I'm doing something proactive. This is hard.....

Monday, March 28, 2011


Not much going on today. Not really crampy anymore just VERY bloated. Totally exhausted after work today, just nipped to the shop to get some food in for dinner and now restng up on couch.
I hope to get to bed early tonight. Might post later :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011


Woke up with more cramps this morning, feels like AF is about to start. I keep willing my embies to hang on in there, it's all I can do. Doesn't help that I ate a whole punnet of grapes yesterday so feel extra bloated today!!!!

Will post again later.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Well it's been two days since the transfer. I am still resting up in bed. Still feeling crampy but more of a heaviness now. Don't really think the Salbutomal made any difference to be honest. My lower back is killing me, maybe from lying in bed too long. I'm a nervous wreck everytime I need to use the loo for fear of seeing blood. I'm gonna go to my mam's for dinner later and hopefully have an early night tonight. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to to the cinema with DH - I want to see that film "Limitless". Then I really do have a busy week in work. I'm a teacher by he way! Which means I finish work at 2.40pm - which is usually great but means I have more time to kill on the 2ww!!

Thursday I am booked in for my second round of intralipids. One of my best friends just had her first baby there last Monday. So I plan on spending an evening with her this week too.

Hopefully it'll fly in!!!!!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011


Well DH picked up my Salbutomal a few moments ago. It's also known as ventolin- used to treat asthma. Apparently it relaxes the uterus. Fingers crossed as I could really do without these cramps! Hopefully it'll kick in soon. Will update later.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


Officially PUPO now! The transfer was over in 5 mins, super quick. I explained about the cramps, they were happy to go ahead. The doc prescribed me Sabutomal to ease the cramps. Unfortunately the chemist didn't have it but ordered it in for the morning. DH is gonna pick it up in the morn. Cramps are pretty bad right now so finding it hard to relax.

Transfer Day!

Just a quick one - will post again later. Yesterday I cleaned our apt in prep for bed rest!
I had my first slice of pineapple this morning- gonna have a slice each day for five days to help implantation.

Cramps- still VERY crampy and bloated which is really unsettling. I suppose I just have to trust my clinic as they were very happy at last scan on Tuesday. But seriously why the cramps?

Embryos - the embryologist called at 9.30am to say that she would be thawing 2 embryos. She said they have a free slot at 3pm if I wanted to a take that. I said YES. The sooner the better I say! Just want those little guys back on board. So we have to be at clinic for 2.30pm.

I'm still lounging in bed. Gonna get up shortly- I want to have a bath and do a bit of grooming!!

I also have some Valium lined up to take before the transfer, hopefully that'll relax the uterus as well as relaxing me!

Ok this post was longer than expected! Will post later when I'm PUPO!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Assessment Scan

I went in for a scan this morning to recheck things as I've been feeling very crampy. All went well, lining was measuring 12.3 (triple lining)and ovaries were quiet. The nurse (my favourite nurse!) said she was extremely pleased with what she saw. She didn't know but thought my body could be sensitive to the thick lining. So all systems go for Thursday...thank god.

A question for fellow long time ttc-ers: do u have faith in God throughout this long arduous process?? My mother in law was telling me to pray to St. Anne (Mary's mother) as apparently she had longed for a child for a very long time. I dunno about all that stuff anymore though...

Monday, March 21, 2011


Well I phoned the clinic today to explain to them about the cramps. The nurse said that it really is nothing to worry about as the scan on Wednesday showed no follicle growth and good lining. Anyway I felt reassured for about an hour!! So I rang the clinic again after work and asked for another scan in tomorrow morning as I felt the cramps were getting worse. So I'm scheduled for an assessment scan for tomorrow at 8.20am. I just don't want to do the transfer if something is going wrong...for emotional and financial reasons! Anyway I am hoping that the scan will show everything looking good and things can go ahead on Thursday as planned. I just want to feel like I put everything into the cycle.

My theory on the cramps is this: when my lining reaches a certain thickness I begin to feel it. I've always felt crampy a good week sometimes more before af arrives as I usually ovulate quite late as in cd20/21.

The 2WW is hard enough...I really wasn't expecting to be this stressed out BEFORE the transfer.....ahhhhhhhh!

Sunday, March 20, 2011


Well I have 4 days to go until the transfer and since Friday I've been having cramps - light ones but constantly there. I've everything right so just cannot understand this cramping. I wonder could it be to do the the thickening of the lining?? I'm just so afraid that I may have missed the window or something. Everything looked great at last scan on wednesday, so it's not as if I've ovulated. Oh well I'll give the clinic a call in the morning. Hopefully it's nothing to worry about...but I need reassurance.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Scan 3

Well I had my final scan this morning. All went well- my lining was 11.4. I've to stop nasal spray tomorrow and continue all meds and start cyclogest (progesterone) on Sunday. Transfer booked in for 4 o clock on thursday 24th.

On another note, my friend had her 2nd baby today. As another blogger said "she lapped me".
When she had her first baby, we were about 6 months into TTC at the time. Her:2 me:0. I'm happy for her but it's so hard sometimes.

Oh well have to stay positive....

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Well I had my intralipids infusion today. Just took little over an hour which was great. The first time I had this it took three hours..ahhhh. Thus will help to suppress my immune system so as to make my uterus extra embryo friendly for next week. Just one more day in work and then I have St Patrick's Day and Friday off...yay! Before I know it...transfer week!

Excited, scared, anxious....hopeful!

Monday, March 14, 2011


Dunno why but I'm feeling really down today. Just keep thinking of everyone else who's pregnant or just had a baby. Think I'm getting scared as transfer approaches...the thought of it not working :(

Also I've totally piled on weight these past few months - can't seem to get a handle on it.

Ahhhh...I'll cheer up tomorrow

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Lots of EWCM at the mo - really can't remember if same thing happened last FET. Still on the nasal spray (down regulation) so defo not ovulating.

I woke up super early this morning- so annoying as I really wanted to have lie in today. I have a three day week ahead in work- we have St Patrick's Day (thurs) and Friday off this week. And then next week I've booked thurs and fri off for transfer. Whoop!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Scan 2

Just a quick one. Scan went well this morning; lining looked good. Next appointment is Tuesday for intralipids. Feeling very under the weather the past few days , everyone seems to be sniffling and spluttering all over the place!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Pancake Tuesday!!!

One of my favourite days of the year. I had 6 pancakes with sugar and lemon today....yum! Our pancakes are beautiful. Lent starts tomorrow...hope I can survive without tea. I bought lots of fresh lemons so gonna drink lots of ot water with a slice of lemon. I'm ot a major fan of herbal teas so not gonna bother with them.

My next appointment with clinic is this Friday. Just a scan to make sure lining is developing well and to check if ovaries are quiet. Then next Tuesday, I'll be getting intralipids again, (this is to suppress the immune system )

Energy levels still high!

Monday, March 7, 2011


Wow I've so much energy since starting on the steroids on Friday. Since Friday, I've got so much done - sorting out our back room which had become a bit of a junk room, getting through all the ironing ( hate that), and a general spring cleaning. Our apt is gleaming right now!

I never noticed the difference in energy last time - maybe because I was up to my eyes in work and was run off my feet. I think it helps that Spring is in the air too and the evenings are much brighter lately.

Oh god, I really am so scared thinking that this FET might not work or even worse the same thing happen as last time. I try not to give it any thought one way or the other but every so often, it creeps in, I try to brush it away but it's so hard.

Anyway tomorrow will be pancake Tuesday and I can't wait, I LOVE pancakes!!!!

I'm gonna give up drinking tea for's gonna be tough. My clinic advises against drinking caffiene after transfer so I may as well give it up now in time for the transfer.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Scan 1

Well I had first scan of the cycle today. All went well - ovaries are nice and quiet and lining is thin. So I start all meds today : steroids, clexane injections, folic acid, B vits, Estrafem, and aspirin.

Next scan will be next Friday!!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Doctor Doctor

Well I made it to the doc today. She cleaned the infection and gave me antibiotics- so happy days.

First scan on Friday then if all goes well I start my meds....can't wait!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011


Well I've managed to not eat any bad food this weekend so far! But exercise will have to be put on hold as i have a nasty infection in my toe!!!! Eeeeek! Think I'll have to make a visit to the doc tomorrow....urrgh will cost 55 euro just to see the doc!! Suppose will make a welcome change to see a doctor about something non-TTC related!!!

Anyway I took my last bcp pill this morning. Hopefully af will arrive Tuesday or Wednesday.

Saturday, February 26, 2011


Tomorrow I take my last pill...hurray!!!!! All week I've been over indulging so today I finally get serious about healthy eating. I want to feel strong and healthy for the transfer. The weather has taken turn for the better...beautiful spring weather out there so I aim to go for a walk after work most days.
And......NO more wine....really I've had enough of it!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I start the Buserelin nasal spray for down regulation today - 2 sniffs 3 times a day! The pharmacist called yesterday to say that she received the prescription via fax from the clinic - so I'm gonna pick it up today - it is usually a giant bag of meds.
I attempted healthy eating yesterday - went well, although I am still craving sugary foods. I'm gonna do a healthy shop this afternoon so that I only have good options to choose from.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Transfer date

Transfer date set for the 24th of March...yay!!!!
Feels like things are moving again!

22nd Feb - Start nasal spray
27th Feb - Stop Pill
4th March - Scan 1 Start Meds (Clexane, steroids, Folic Acid, B Vits, Estrafem, Aspirin)
11th March - Scan 2
16th March - Scan 3
19th March - Start Progesterone (Cyclogest)
24th March -  Transfer
2ww commences....

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


The nurse is to call me tomorrow with dates for the FET. Just can't wait to have a proper plan in place.

This is my first AF since m/c - seems quite heavy and has been lasting forever.
Can't help but wish life a way at the mo. Just want to get moving do transfer!!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

CD 1

AF finally arrived after 40 days - not too bad.

I rang the clinic and the nurse said to start BCP and that they will call me during the week to figure our dates for the FET. I just feel delighted to be finally doing something. Just waiting around in limbo land is a killer.

In the 5/6 weeks since the m/c, there has been an overload of pregnancy announcements. One girl in particular on Facebook who I know had fertility issues is pregnant and keeps making references to the fact that she is preggo on her status - I find that really annoying. Maybe I'll be like that one day but I hope not.

Anyway I have to get into a positive frame of mind now. Scared, excited, fearful, hopeful....

Need to start eating healthy in prep for FET. I've been pigging out big style since xmas. I'm up about 10lbs!! EEEK. Gotta sort that out!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Another Pregnancy Announcement

Wow this one really knocked me. I'm feeling so sorry for myself :(

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Phone Consult

Well I had my phone consultation with my RE. She reckoned we follow the same protocol again for FET as it did work. Just unfortunate about the blighted ovum. She said I can start BCP with my next AF. Oh I hope it doesn't takes extra long to show up!!!

I kinda want to keep this quiet but really hard to not tell certain people. I just cannot lie either!

But I also must prepare myself for the fact that it may not hard to think about that!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Better Day

I had a better day in work today. I was busy and felt kinda normal. One of the lads told me his girlfriend is 8 weeks pregnant...brilliant! Just what I needed to hear. Little does he know :(

Monday, January 10, 2011

First Day Back To Work

I was dreading going back to work after the Xmas break. Felt like the loneliest soul in the world getting up this morning. It wasn't too bad initially. But by 11am I was a mess - way too emotional. My boss and my good friend were AMAZING - so supportive and understanding. I came home at 12.00. Met DH and had some lunch and then snoozed in bed all afternoon. I know 2moro will be much better - it was just the first day back was difficult. Last time I had been in work, I was pregnant :(

On to more productive things:
I rang my clinic today to arrange a phone consultation with my consultant. She is going to call me on Wednesday afternoon. I must compile a list of questions. I really wanna get started on the next FET.

Saturday, January 8, 2011


Well on Wednesday I went for my scan and as expected, a definite miscarriage. Doc reckoned I passed the pregnancy sac on Monday night with the pain. Got to say, It really hit me all over again. Tough day.

On Thursday, my amazing DH took me away to a 5 star hotel for 2 nights to just chill. Nice food, nice

Today is Saturday and I'm feeling A LOT better. Actually looking forward to next FET.

Bleeding is starting to tail off, finally. Gonna phone my RE during the week to discuss next FET. The doc that scanned me was saying it was a blighted ovum. And another doc in the clinic said to me that every 3rd pregnancy they see ends in miscarriage. That actually made me feel less abnormal!! Weird!!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Bad News

I haven't written here in a while.
On Xmas Eve I had a very heavy bleed - passed lots of clots. My clinic was closed for the Christmas break and I just knew there was no point sitting in A&E on Christmas Eve. I spent all of Christmas day crying. I eventually got to my clinic on the 29th of Dec. The Doctor found a pregnancy sac measuring 5 weeks 4 days. He said it was too early to see anything and to come back in one week. In the meantime I continued medication and I was bleeding slightly on and off.

So tomorrow I am going in for the scan. But I know it is over. Last night I had the worst AF Pain EVER and I passed 3 MAJOR clots (actually very relieving). So I just want to get closure tomorrow and draw a line and move on.

I'm feeling a lot stronger than I was last week - I was in absolute shock and literally was grief-stricken. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And Christmas has to be the worst time of the year for something like this to happen.