Friday, August 5, 2011

Better Day

Yesterday was a tough day - I spent the morning crying, and I met with the counsellor at 2pm. She was very good - I cried a lot and we talked about the pressure I have been putting myself under to have a baby since we got married (3 yrs in Oct). Subconsciously, I hold a belief that I am a failure because I haven't had a baby. I didn't think I actually thought that about myself, but through talking to her, this came out. So the session was very heavy. It felt like I was in there for 10 minutes but I was an hour. I walked out in an absolute daze and had a MAJOR headache. I drove over to my 3 friends from work as I had planned to meet them after the session. I totally broke down (as usual) when I saw them, but then I was fine. We talked a bit about the miscarriage and then we talked about other unrelated things, even had a laugh.  When I got home, I spoke to another good friend on the phone and then my mother. DH played football, and when he got in, I talked some more with him! By the end of the day, I was wrecked.

Well today was a better day. I haven't cried today. I spent the morning in bed watching reality TV. Then DH came home from work at lunchtime. We had a lovely afternoon/evening together. I made sure to really look after him today - making lunch, cups of tea, lots of TLC. He had been so amazing to me since the horrible news last week, that he needed to be looked after today. He finally let himself go and he was exhausted, the week finally caught up with him. He was in bed by 9pm!! I think the counselling and all the emotions yesterday really helped. I obviously don't feel great but do feel a bit better.

Tomorrow night, we have a party to attend. Nothing too hectic, should be a laugh so I am looking forward to that. I plan to spend some quality time with DH tomorrow - want to just enjoy us being together.

Anyway thanks to everyone who has left a comment. It is amazing what a few words from ladies who know the pain of infertility can help. Thank you :)

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