Monday, August 8, 2011

To break or not to break...

That is the question.

So I am feeling MUCH better. I still have that deflated, life's a bit shit type of feeling but on the whole I'm feeling better. I think the key to starting to heal after a miscarriage is to talk, talk and talk more about it. I have talked indeptly to all my close friends, a counsellor, online forums, my husband, my mother and even to people who don't know me too well. It has really helped. I have also cried, cried and....cried some more. So by last Friday, I just didn't feel like crying anymore. I also kept a balance of being with people who care for me AND being on my own. If I had of kept too busy, I wouldn't have faced my demons and worked through my emotions. If I had of isolated myself and stayed on my own, I wouldn't have been able to make sense of what happened - talking helps the mind stay sane (I think).

This week, myself and DH are going away for a few nights with friends to a lovely country hotel by the sea, so looking forward to that.

Now this thing about the "break". DH and I have been talking a lot about the future, the immediate future ( the next few months). We said we will make no decisions this month. One of our options is to take a complete break from fertility treatment until January. So that we can enjoy the next few months and the run up to Christmas. (remember last Xmas was ruined due to blighted ovum). But the thing is, i do ovulate every month, and DH's sperm is not that bad (good count but lower than average motility and morph) but we NEVER managed to do it on our own. My question is: would we be really taking a break if at the back of our minds we are still hoping it might happen naturally?? The only way to truely take a break would be to use contraception....and that is NOT gonna happen!!!!

So I have no answers or decisions made at the moment. I'm going to see the counsellor again this week so might work through a few issues with her first.

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