Saturday, September 24, 2011

What A Week!!

On Monday I received a call from my GP (not my usual one, but a locum), who said she had received the results of the pathology test from my miscarriage. She said she was very concerned and that I should not be getting pregnant for 6 months. She said I have Gestational Throphoblastic Disease. I was kind of shocked. She told me to look it up on a medical website and that she would call me back as she wanted to get in touch with the doctor who did my D&C for further clarification. I looked it up, and it basically said it was a molar pregnancy. This did not make any sense to me as I had had normal ultrasounds with heartbeat and fetus.I was shocked to say the least.

I rang my consultant in the fertility clinic immediately who asked me to get the report faxed over to her. I also booked in for a HCG the following morning. (with a Molar pregnancy, HCG must be monitored and remain at zero for 6 months). The GP rang me back to say that she spoke with the doc who did the D&C and she said the results only suggested that it could be molar.

In the meantime, my consultant looked at the report and said no, it was normal, nothing to indicate molar. On Tuesday my HCG measured zero like I expected.

Anyway to cut a long story short, the GP was still not happy and wanted to refer me to the National Maternity Hospital for monitoring, and wanted it to be still treated as if it were molar. She said she would try to get in touch with the person who actually wrote the report and she'd call me back. So there I was on Friday lying on my couch, off work, sick with the flu, when my phone rings. It's my GP who says she spoke to the person who did the report and.......drumroll.....its's completely normal! No need to worry, not molar at all.

When I say a weight was lifted off my shoulders, that was an understatement!!! Such a relief and such unnecessary worry!

Saturday, September 17, 2011


Well I have all my dates arranged for upcoming FET. The transfer will take place on the 17th of October. A month away - here we go again!!

The nurse in the clinic asked me to get my TSH levels checked. Mine was 3.97. Apparently this is in the normal range of thyroid function but for pregnancy, the clinic would like it to be closer to 2. So I am on Eltroxin to lower the levels. Could this be the reason for my miscarriage or the reason why we haven't conceived naturally? Who knows.

How am I feeling? Usual feelings of nervousness/hope/fear. Very detached really. I don't want to talk about it in real life because I've done this before, I've talked about the upcoming dates, treatment, every detail and always it has ended in heartbreak. However  I know this one could work out if it works but still I've lost my innocence in this area.

When I went to the clinic last Monday morning for my TSH blood test, for some reason the nurses never called me. Time was ticking by, I was late for work, other clients were coming and going and yet no one was calling me for my blood test. I don't know what happened to me, but I started to get really upset---like fighting back the tears, a lump in my throat. I couldn't summon up the courage to ask the nurses when they were going to call me. I wanted to storm out, but I couldn't. Eventually after a self pep-talk, I decided to walk out. However, as I walked by the nurses' station, I saw two nurses sitting down. I said "sorry but I've been waiting for someone to call me for a blood test for an hour". One of them jumped up, all apologetic and took me in to another room to do the blood test. By this stage I could not even talk, just trying to not cry. Nightmare. Seriously what was up with that??? I think all the emotion of the past few months and tied into the clinic, sitting in the waiting room was just too much. Anyway...I felt better later on.

Will update again soon. :)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

First week down!

Well my first week back to work wasn't too bad at all. My colleagues were so supportive and had lovely, encouraging stories to share with me regarding their own experiences with miscarriage. It felt good to be back at work, and to be busy and focus on something other that TTC.

I have a feeling my AF is gonna start soon - quite crampy at the mo. When it does arrive, I can start on BCP and then sort out dates with the clinic for upcoming FET. A part of me feels guilty to start BCP - it just feels so wrong - weird I know.

Really trying to remain positive. There is every chance it will work. But I suppose I really have to think about how I'll feel or what I will do if it doesn't work. Scary.