Monday, April 11, 2011


I visited my best mate who had her baby 2 weeks ago today. He is a major cutie. She told me about her friend who is pregnant age 37...i'm happy for her because she's older and it's her first. ( she only got married last summer ). Anyway I was feeling ok. I rang my clinic this morning and left a message asking someone to call me to work out dates for the transfer. Did I get a call back? No.

On my way home I called DH, no answer. I called him again, no answer. I wanted to know what he wanted for dinner. The pressure started to build....urrrgh....
1. visiting a friend who had baby
2. Holding baby
3. Hearing of yet ANOTHER pregnancy
4. DH not answering phone.
5. No call from clinic

All of this equals MELTDOWN!!!!!!!

By the time I got home, my bottom lip was starting to wobble.
DH was home, I started making dinner immediately. Tears started to flow, pain bubbling up inside ---- jealousy, anger, resentment, hurt, anguish.....pain, sheer pain.

DH hugged me,he understood. He took over dinner. I felt better once I let it all out.

Best friend texted me saying how well I looked earlier and how strong I was......STRONG?????? Little does she know....


  1. Bless to you my dear...Im having one of those weeks too...I teared up reading your blog as I can totally relate to it...xx..just think that means you are one step closer to yours...and I always love hearing about older women falling pregnant as this 'age infertility' is always floating around and gives us all in IF hope....

  2. Meltdown warranted... I would call the clinic until someone answers, ugh. I hope tomorrow is a better day! You have a very sweet DH!

  3. I understand completely what you are feeling. I hope your day gets better. ((hugs))

  4. How is it that we look so strong, but feel so incredibly weak? :( I can relate to so much of what you have been writing - its almost as though it could be my very own post. Thinking of you!

  5. Your feeling of having a meltdown is completely understandable... I've had plenty of meltdowns over far less. I always find it so frustrating when the clinic doesn't call back... don't we pay them enough ?!?! Thinking of you and hope each day brings a little more peace for you xoxo