CD 1

AF finally arrived after 40 days - not too bad.

I rang the clinic and the nurse said to start BCP and that they will call me during the week to figure our dates for the FET. I just feel delighted to be finally doing something. Just waiting around in limbo land is a killer.

In the 5/6 weeks since the m/c, there has been an overload of pregnancy announcements. One girl in particular on Facebook who I know had fertility issues is pregnant and keeps making references to the fact that she is preggo on her status - I find that really annoying. Maybe I'll be like that one day but I hope not.

Anyway I have to get into a positive frame of mind now. Scared, excited, fearful, hopeful....

Need to start eating healthy in prep for FET. I've been pigging out big style since xmas. I'm up about 10lbs!! EEEK. Gotta sort that out!

Another Pregnancy Announcement

Wow this one really knocked me. I'm feeling so sorry for myself :(

Phone Consult

Well I had my phone consultation with my RE. She reckoned we follow the same protocol again for FET as it did work. Just unfortunate about the blighted ovum. She said I can start BCP with my next AF. Oh I hope it doesn't takes extra long to show up!!!

I kinda want to keep this quiet but really hard to not tell certain people. I just cannot lie either!

But I also must prepare myself for the fact that it may not work....so hard to think about that!

Better Day

I had a better day in work today. I was busy and felt kinda normal. One of the lads told me his girlfriend is 8 weeks pregnant...brilliant! Just what I needed to hear. Little does he know :(

First Day Back To Work

I was dreading going back to work after the Xmas break. Felt like the loneliest soul in the world getting up this morning. It wasn't too bad initially. But by 11am I was a mess - way too emotional. My boss and my good friend were AMAZING - so supportive and understanding. I came home at 12.00. Met DH and had some lunch and then snoozed in bed all afternoon. I know 2moro will be much better - it was just the first day back was difficult. Last time I had been in work, I was pregnant :(

On to more productive things:

I rang my clinic today to arrange a phone consultation with my consultant. She is going to call me on Wednesday afternoon. I must compile a list of questions. I really wanna get started on the next FET.

Confirmation

Well on Wednesday I went for my scan and as expected, a definite miscarriage. Doc reckoned I passed the pregnancy sac on Monday night with the pain. Got to say, It really hit me all over again. Tough day.

On Thursday, my amazing DH took me away to a 5 star hotel for 2 nights to just chill. Nice food, nice wine...space.

Today is Saturday and I'm feeling A LOT better. Actually looking forward to next FET.

Bleeding is starting to tail off, finally. Gonna phone my RE during the week to discuss next FET. The doc that scanned me was saying it was a blighted ovum. And another doc in the clinic said to me that every 3rd pregnancy they see ends in miscarriage. That actually made me feel less abnormal!! Weird!!

Bad News

I haven't written here in a while.

On Xmas Eve I had a very heavy bleed - passed lots of clots. My clinic was closed for the Christmas break and I just knew there was no point sitting in A&E on Christmas Eve. I spent all of Christmas day crying. I eventually got to my clinic on the 29th of Dec. The Doctor found a pregnancy sac measuring 5 weeks 4 days. He said it was too early to see anything and to come back in one week. In the meantime I continued medication and I was bleeding slightly on and off.

So tomorrow I am going in for the scan. But I know it is over. Last night I had the worst AF Pain EVER and I passed 3 MAJOR clots (actually very relieving). So I just want to get closure tomorrow and draw a line and move on.

I'm feeling a lot stronger than I was last week - I was in absolute shock and literally was grief-stricken. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And Christmas has to be the worst time of the year for something like this to happen.